I would like to begin this post by tipping my hat and raising my glass to all the pastor's wives out there who make countless unnoticed sacrifices for the furthering of God's kingdom. Bless you and thank you.
Being the wife of a man who is dedicated to full-time ministry is something that I have been struggling through for the past year-ish. Like the majority of American families today, we both have to work to pay the bills, and I have a different kind of job - a calling to nonprofit work. BUT, if you think that my husband's ministry job only involves him, you are sorely mistaken. The tricky thing about ministry jobs is that there are no such things as 9-5, lunch breaks, weekends, overtime pay, and other such "luxuries". Planning a date night in our household is beyond complicated, and we don't even have children yet. Oh, Christmas falls on a Sunday? Guess what you're doing. Mmhmm.
Don't get me wrong. Ministry jobs are often the most rewarding, and I have no doubt that my husband will receive many crowns in heaven for his love and patience in working with teenagers. But let's be honest here. I am not the biggest fan of having 6 teenage boys living at my house every other afternoon. I love them, and they are precious brothers in Christ, but I am an introvert and they are teenage boys. Need I elaborate?
I have had to learn to be flexible - something that frankly, I greatly detest. I have had to learn that Sunday is not a day that I get to spend with my husband - it's the day I lend my husband to the rest of the world (along with many other nights and weekends). I have had to learn to let go and give up things that I normally deem important (like showers on Sunday mornings when all 5 guys who spent the night take it the whole time). Summertime equals multiple youth trips, leaving me at home to work and make as many plans as possible so I don't feel lonely. Meal planning? Yeah right. I make large quantities of food at one time and just stick it all in the fridge. We hardly ever eat at the same time, so we are both perpetually eating leftovers.
Also, I have had to fight the root of jealousy that threatens my heart. While my husband works very hard, his job also includes going out to eat frequently, going to movies, playing games, and various other "leisure" activities. Sometimes I think to myself, "I wish I had a job where I could get my movie tickets paid for and 'hanging out' is often the same thing as 'working'." Our budget is very tight, so I do not get to participate in activities like that. I can't tell you the last time I've seen a movie in a theater and my best lunches consist of pb&j and yogurt. But when those thoughts threaten to make me bitter or unhappy, I just have to remind myself of all the other aspects of his job dealing with teenagers, and I am immediately glad that I do what I do.
We constantly struggle with that balance between doing "good" things for God (a.k.a. ministry things) and spending valuable time together. I have definitely been stretched and pushed outside of my comfort zone, and I am not necessarily unhappy about that. I trust God's infinite wisdom and sovereign plan for us. Having a spouse in ministry is definitely trying and difficult and not something you can completely understand until you've been there. I know that I had no idea until God called us into this mess. But ultimately, I would argue that it is all worth it. Have you ever seen a 16-year-old guy come to church for the first time ever and fall in love with it? Have you seen multiple kids stand and declare their newfound faith in Christ? Have you heard a group of new Christians practicing their testimonies in your living room? Oh, it's worth it.
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